A few days ago, when Chip came home from his usual monthly haircut, he stunned me into silence while describing his day at the barber.
“I went to a new place today for my haircut and the lady asked if she could rub my head. I was a little surprised, but I agreed. Then she put a hot towl on my neck. It was heavenly. I couldn’t believe how good it felt! I didn’t realize what I was missing out on because, well, you don’t really do that kind of rubbing on me…!”
OUCH. He wasn’t being hurtful. He was just being open with his surprise and pleasure. I held my mouth silently open for a good minute before a word could formulate on my lips (which silence is not my gift) and I then blurted out about how amazing his so-called ”head-job” he received was and then went about my day. I stewed about it in my mind for the whole afternoon. Later while in the shower (where my best thinking happens), I cried. I cried!!
Have I been so neglegent and unobservant that I don’t touch my husband in other ways except THE OBVIOUS? He got such pleasure from that head rub. A small thing for sure. But what a huge impact! Heck, I used to work in a salon, I know how much the men LOVED head massages. Why have I not done that for my own man lately? Or better yet, rubbed his feet? He always does it for me….always. What is wrong with me?
My negative self-talk had me wailing like a baby and honestly it wasn’t due to his getting a happy head massage by another woman. It was that I realized something. I was being a TAKER in our relationship lately. The comforts of life had me taking and receiving all he had to give me and I wasn’t giving as much back. Sure, I give him good love-making whenever he pleased, I attend to my home and family responsibilites always, lots of kisses and hugs, as well as complimenting him. But, I rested on my laurels thinking that was all he needed and all I needed to do for him! WRONG. Wrong, wrong. He needs touch. TOUCH!
I kicked my own ass and dried off quickly, then laid down next to him resting my head on his shoulder. I apologized for neglecting the little things I could be doing better in our relationship. Things that please him and make him feel comfort and relaxed. I should be, quite frankly, touching him more often, and not just in the sexual way. I can be more thoughtful in the caring and nurturing way. I need to look at him in the eyes, and appreciating their depth and beauty, and then say so and touch him.
He thanked me and was so happy that I even cared to see a flaw I saw in myself that will have a direct impact on his well being. HA! We had a good chuckle. Then do you know what I did? I made mad passionate love to him!!!! Nope…I just rubbed his head.
Where have you dropped the ball in your relationship with your spouse? Where do you assume things they need/don’t need? Maybe skip the flowers for Valentines Day…?
Married Spice 